And there’s already red paint on my carpet. The baby is finally asleep after my third attempt, although this is a rare occurrence and likely to not last long. The toddler is glued to the TV despite my “only one show today” ruling I was silly enough to make three hours ago. Yes, it’s only Ten A.M. and I’ve been awake for over three hours.
I’ve been contemplating creating this blog for quite some time now. I used to have the motivation to write. Actually, I used to have the motivation to do quite a lot of things. I don’t want to place blame anywhere, but we can thank motherhood and good old fashioned clinical depression for that. I do work very hard for my family. I put my heart and soul into being a great mom and wife. However, it’s physically draining on a person who’s serotonin levels are, for lack of a better term, going ape shit. But with the help of my supportive and caring husband, I finally bit the bullet and jumped on this blogging bandwagon.
I feel like I live two separate lives; comparable to an alter-ego of a superhero. I am supermom. My secret life is lived on, you guessed it, the world wide web. I have a completely separate life on the internet. My family gives me odd looks when I try to explain my “online mommy friends.” They know me better than most people in the real world and I’ve never even met them face to face. I speak my mind, tell people what I think they should hear, share my wisdom and learn from their experiences. Everything that I wish I could be and nothing that I would ever do in the real world. Just the thought of a confrontation causes me heart palpitations. This life I lead in the real world, with my loving family, friends, and don’t forget the debilitating psychological impediments... OK, maybe that’s a bit dramatic. I do “suffer” from a multitude of mental mishaps. I believe I have been depressed since childhood. My sister often reminisces about how I used to be so happy and outgoing, and then it just stopped…. I was diagnosed with ADHD at 21, that’s some information that probably would’ve been helpful as I stumbled through and barely graduated from college. And as of recently, it is presumed that I have OCD. Mix all that up with some high anxiety, sprinkle on two small children, a new marriage, financial woes, top it off with a revolving door at the family court house, and you’ve got yourself an explosive mamma cocktail.
I digress (does that make me sound sophisticated?), I sincerely hope I don’t give anyone the wrong impression about my life. I love my children and my husband, I kind of love our small, cramped apartment. I like our smelly furbaby hamster, Hank and all of the junk that is doing the cramping of the small apartment. I love my job, if that’s even allowed… are you allowed to love your job? My goal for this blog is to help me always see the bright, and optimistic side of my fantastic life. My inner sunshine needs to finally show the cranky cloud following me around that I should be happy, happy, happy, and live this life to the fullest.